I feel like I’ve neglected you poor people, so I’ll make a pity post. Oh, I guess this blog will be part of a bigger collective that is being amassed as a project highlighting Canadain blogs of interest and all that stuff. I think that’s neat. Someone can soon randomly stumble across this blog and just be like “what a friggin weirdo man”…I love it.

Better start bringing my A game….

Had a job interview with AOL for a tech support phone monkey job as I mentioned earlier…..it was interview #2 in a series of fun I am having with Renelle at AOL (that so ryhmes….sweet). Basically they like that I didn’t go in and just say the usual “oh if you employ me i’ll stay forever and work real hard you’ll see”. I said flat out, since my educational background gives it away anyway, that “yes i would leave if I was offered something in my field, regardless of the month long training you’d have given me”, of course as much as they like it…they know I’m a flight risk haha…bye bye investment. I caught some flack from some for doing it that way and not just saying the line everyone says, but I think I’m done with all that….maybe yes I did screw over a chance to get that job with no problems….but that’s not how I want to do things….lately I’ve become brutally honest, and I like it. Yes, those little white lies we need to tell from time to time yeah I still do that…..but when it comes to what I want to do? If I’m asked that I will be nothing but honest…so if I say “:I don’t know what I want to do”, it’s honestly how I feel.

Speaking of……I’ve been toying with the idea of getting a degree in education. Still. It’s kinda stuck in there. What I would do with it I don’t know, but I do know that if I ended up teaching at some point in my life I would enjoy doing so. (I like to play “what if…?” games a lot)

I’ve been playing those a lot lately…the “what if…?” games……unsure of a lot of things in my life right now….a year from now my life will mostly likely be very different…..but so will everyone’s so big whoop huh? Haha. A;; about that journey…..keeps going….I love it and it scares me shitless at the same time……the hell with drugs who needs them? I actually am high on life…..wow….haha…there you go….I am a lame cliche. Must be getting older…

OK, the old man needs to go….got a big day tomorrow of emailing resumes and bitching on MSN how I need a damn job already haha

Bonne nuit.

Hey…..dinking around the internet this morning and found this….the Likes & Dislikes of an Aquarian…

“Aquarius people like fame and recognition from crowds of total strangers, thinking about themselves and their personal goals, personal privacy, rainbows, dreams, magic, change for its own sake, eccentricity, surprises, credit cards, telling others what needs to be done and then watching them get on with it, weird friends and acquaintances, and living within their means despite the many temptations which constantly surround them every waking moment.

Aquarius people dislike emotion and intimacy, people who show off constantly and try to be the center of attention, being taken for granted, being pinned down in any way, any kind of hard sell, violence and fighting, making loans or borrowing money from other people, respect for conventional authority, revealing their own ulterior motives to others, and senseless or purposeless extravagance of any sort”

True? Untrue? You tell me….all long as you’re a total stranger and I’ve gained fame in your eyes haha…..Oh yeah, phone interview with AOL Canada tomorrow to be a tech support monkey….WOOT! (That one is for Amanda haha)

Later kids…

EDIT***Well, since I have little to do today until wait for my interview tomorrow, I joined the website I got the above from out of boredom….here’s their interpretation of a male aquarian…

“The male Aquarius is generally taller than the average citizen, with long bone structure and a strong, solid build. You have a rugged profile and broad, high forehead — nicely characteristic of the cerebral nature within you that you prize so highly. You are quite guarded in revealing your feelings, preferring instead to adopt a “hail-fellow-well-met” facade that works well in mixed company.

You have a wide range of interests, but are especially attracted to that which is unknown and unknowable. You are a man of exceedingly fair and upright mind and have your very own unshakeable personal moral code that you will refuse to deviate from, for any reason. You are intuitive to a fault, yet strangely practical when it comes to the bottom line.”

Eerily accurate in some respects I think….creepy….there was a section on “male aquarian in bed” which basically said I was the type to be disgusted with sex because it’s dirty….hahaha….can’t say that’s me at all….here’s me “in love” supposedly….

“Those born under the Sign of Aquarius subordinate the needs of love to the needs of the intellect — often to their own romantic detriment. The analytical Aquarius person approaches the game of love slowly, methodically and deliberately. Playing the game of love is fun in its own right and should not be rushed. While falling in love, the Water Bearer can fill myriad roles for a lover, thanks to their keen mental energy and boundless commitment to a good cause.

Conversely, a lover who won’t play along will meet an immovable object in the righteous Aquarius personality. The greatest challenge in love for these people is intimacy. Without it, love is incomplete, so those born under this Sign must find that space where they can truly feel and trust. If that is achieved, love with Aquarius can soar into the stratosphere.”

Maybe? Doesn’t seem like it….well, now that I look again….I have aspects of it I guess….

OH…The Kicker….my Chinese/Western Sign Personality….

“The Monkey/Aquarius is always picking things apart to find out their root cause, primary drive, or single smallest component, and this characteristic may make some of your less inquisitive acquaintances uncomfortable, especially when it applies to impolite social topics (your Aquarius side loves to shock). This is not to say that you should curtail your investigative Monkey-style activities, just cloak them in a mantle of silence until all is in readiness.

You may want to spare some though as to what to do with the answers once you’ve found them — after all, that’s a great deal of time and effort to waste if there’s no return! The entertainment possibilities of acquired knowledge are not lost on you — if anything, you may be lost within them if your taste for intellectual self-indulgence at last manages to get the better of you.”

EDIT EDIT****** OK, so apparently on this site my Chinese sign is not the Monkey (1980) but the Goat (1979)….must have something to do with the Chinese New Year or something I have no idea…..so apparently I am actually the following…

“The Goat/Aquarius lives in the eternal “now,” and that can be both a blessing and a curse for those who know you. You’re a tough act to follow, and you seem to change your attitudes towards life as easily as your clothes. The Goat in you is nearly impossible to pin down. A social kaleidoscope, you associate with the most varied people, at all hours, and belong at any table where you choose to pull up a chair.

You specialize in interpersonal shock tactics, and as a child of Aquarius there’s nothing you love better than a good bout of “freaking the mundanes.” In return it takes an awful lot to make you drop your jaw, for you’ve seen it all, done it all, and are constantly active inventing new wrinkles on what is to be seen and done. It takes a certain special talent to live more in a weekend than others do during an entire lifetime, but that talent you appear to have mastered.”

And as a Goat, I am….

As a male
“The male Goat is a complete and utter family man, and you are a fun parent, if a bit on the irresponsible side — your spouse will feel as though they had an extra son at times. You are highly sensitive and have a well-developed sense of aesthetics. You can be very fretful and indecisive, as you are at heart a very kind and gentle soul and are worried whenever placed in positions that burden you with undue authority.

You have a very good memory for facts, figures and dates. You may find yourself stymied by the simplest of obstacles unless you build up a reserve supply of gumption. Your reflective and gentle nature leads many people to underestimate you, much to their eventual chagrin once the race is run.”

As a male in bed…
“The male Goat is a curious, rather than a strictly passionate person. To you, the emotional aspect of sex is as important as the physical aspect — no one night stands for you! You will be hurt and confused if your partner does not reciprocate your emotional commitment to the relationship.

You prefer a long, drawn-out game of sexual intrigue, with mannerisms drawn straight from an eighteenth-century novel, in order to satisfy your desire for delicacy and elegance in your love life. Initially you will be timid and uncertain with any one you may identify as a potential new bedmate. You must be certain that you are the apple of your intended’s eye, and that there is nobody else in the equation to share the limelight.”

In love…
“People born under the Sign of the Goat have a morbid fear of being left alone, whether for the night or for the rest of their lives. They are very family oriented people, and would love nothing better than a suitable and stable partner with which to settle down and raise a litter of children. If their current romantic interest does not like children or big families, then they just won’t be right for the Goat.

Goats will give themselves entirely to the right person and will do everything they can to maintain a stable, loving, happy relationship. This doesn’t, however, mean that they will allow themselves to be walked all over or taken advantage of. If their partner cheats on them, or otherwise doesn’t play according to the rules, then hell hath no fury like a Goat scorned!”

And my likes &dislikes…
“Goats are cultured people who prefer the sort of entertainments not patronized by those of the common crowd. The favorite colors of the Goat person are pink and purple, and their corresponding gemstones are moonstone, sapphire and jade. Goats like bathrobes, broaches, peppermint oil, seashells, being massaged and opera tickets. They are consummate sybarites and enjoy pampering themselves and their bodies.

They prefer to spend their leisure time reading, eating, drinking fine wines, swimming and watching movies. Goats dislike the feeling of being separated from all of their friends and loved ones — they like to have the support of those close to them in their endeavors. They also dislike conflict of any sort, and are very good at dodging it completely whenever it may surface in their lives.”

Phew done….so why not just link this for you jokers? Well, 1) need to be signed in, and 2) I have way too much time so deal.

Well boys and girls, I had a new post written here a couple days ago, but I had too much on the G.O. as Mel would say, and the cpu froze before I could hit “publish post”….frig huh? Basically, it was a follow-up to the last post….I was explaining that despite what the previous post insinuates, I am not crazy, or in a hurry to settle or anything haha….Amanda brought it to my attention that the post had a particular feel to it, whether I had meant for it to or not….looking back on it…yeah, seems like I was either saying more than I meant, or just f’d ‘er right the f up from the git go haha.

It’s just me using my blog as cheap therapy for myself…I’ll keep going until I get the “man, you sound a little nuts in your blog dude”…then I’ll know I’m nuts, and it’ll be time to break down and pay for some help haha…until then….this is it, don’t worry about how I sound-it’s never as bad as how I write it out to be…I just have a flair for dramatic prose I suspect….which brings me to some good advice I did get….try writing again…I like the idea, but I’m not sure what/how/who/where/blah blah blah I will write about….but, if I managed to be as prolific as I was as a kid, I can certainly do it now I believe.

I always wanted to start writing again, I just needed some inspiration, a kick in the ass, and the feeling that the time was right….well, I think I have two of those taken care of thanks to two individuals, now I just need for the time to feel right…..

a bientot.

Well, I’ll begin this post by apologizing for the emo-ness of it…..I can feel it coming on, staring at the screen listening to “Unsatisfied” by The Replacements…haha…bad idea. It’s just been one of days, nothing happening, on the job front or in my social life….just sat inside listening to the rain, marveling at how I got here from where I was a year ago.

Doesn’t help I also had a moment of wishing I was onstage playing bass singing loudly letting go all over again like I used to when I picked up my bass tonight for a bit. Man, I miss that. I had so much control over everything at those moments – being part of the focal point of a roomful (sometimes anyway haha) of people all taking part in that connection between music and emotions…or so I liked to romanticize the whole deal…maybe they were all bored senseless who knows….hard to explain, I’m generally shy and very reserved, but get me up there, with a crowd behind me, everyone focused on this one thing we’re all taking part in….so cathartic it’s scary…letting out what you never even knew was in there….sometimes with the aid of alcohol haha.

Not that I’m starting anything here, that’s gone for me now. I gave it a chance, tried to make a good buck at it, but it was not to be. Time to try to save the world another way I suppose. A job would be a good start……

Hmm…now I got some Elliott Smith covering “Don’t Fear The Reaper”….yikes….crossing the emo threshold to that cutting yourself with razors out of boredom side of things here haha.

That “loneliness” feeling that I mentioned before is still here….and it’s not because I’m in a new city, or I have no friends or anything…I think it’s more from realizing that no one I know actually knows me all too well. My fault I suppose, God knows I hide everything even from those closest to me….but still….sucks to wake up and realize you’re more on your own then you thought I guess is what I mean….the paradox here being I like being alone…so yes, that’s right, I want it both ways…..deal. In the meantime, I’ll try to learn to open up a bit better, and look forward to meeting someone someday who really wants to get inside me and figure me out….

The thing is, I think I’ve found myself….it’s just how I relate that person to the rest of the world that I have no idea how to go about doing. Do this for a living? Or that? Stay single, or get married? Hell – Should I Stay Or Should I Go? So many options, and only so many years to do them in….I need to make sure I don’t waste those years thinking about the options but never moving on them and making decisions…squandering life out of fear of doing the wrong thing….not an option. No Regrets. That said…..still…..easier said then done….

Well, this poor kid needs sleep I think…I’ll continue my quarter life crisis some other time…who knows kids, maybe tomorrow is that day I’m waiting for…..so sleep time it is….

Bonne Nuit.

Uh oh..late night post….been awhile for one of these, usually means doom…or my guts spilled out for you all. Had to happen I suppose, been feeling a little out here on my own lately…not that no one is around, but I’ve got that alone feeling I can’t shake for whatever reason. Except for Amanda I guess, she’s been good at having my back haha….and talking about stalking me and wearing my skin as usual. OK, trying to type this, and watch a South Park episode on the computer, so let’s see if I can keep this up without going completely off-topic.

So um, yeah…stress. Still trying the job stuff, and still no luck. Money isn’t an issue yet, but I’m just in a hurry to get things going I suppose. Not happy about moving to a new city just to sit around……bah….let’s get things going already. OK, this SP episode is retarded….on eof the newer ones, with Oprah Winfrey’s body parts given personalities and voices…..so bizarre…hard to write anything here with this ridiculousness….”…and, you’re a towel” “No, you’re a towel!”

Anyway….might be in Fredericton Saturday night, the boys are coming through town on their way, and Ian wants me to join them. Figure it would do me good, I’ve been good at not spending money and getting into any bad habits here, so why not go get tore up and blow off some steam haha.

Well, getting tired, guess it’s time to pass out soon I imagine….this episode is so weird…but enugh of that, go brush the teeth and wash the face and crash. Later skaters.

Killing time with an update. Have way too much free time right now, it’s bugging me. The downside to having the majority of potential employers wanting job applications filed online, is that I don’t get out much at all – at least the apartment is spotless haha. Must say though, this is new to me….so used to applying for minimum wage labourer jobs to make some coin, and those all mean get out the door and start walking…..office work and the such? Well, e-mail and go make yourself a coffee. Boring really. I’ve always had odd schedules with lots of free time scattered with super busy moments thanks to school….now I just have time….

…if I was back in the valley with all this time, as has been the case, I’d at least be able to go do some yard work, or maybe some random under-the-table deal to eat up time and make some money…..not here…starting to have issues with the time off….I know I’m trying my hardest to work here, and that it’s not my fault it’s easy to try my hardest…but I’m having that typical male feeling of needing to be doing something….shit, someone give me a spear and something to hunt quick haha. It is bad enough though, that I have been considering some labourer jobs again – not because I need the money that bad yet – still good for rent and whatnot until July, but I just need something to do it’s retarded….went out with Nick and Sophie to check out the Spring cleanup goodies, and all I could think of was “man, I wonder if I could have joined on as extra help to work this for a few nights”…that’s right, feeling so bored, I wanted to be a garbage man for a night or two.

Really starting to get antsy here…I have too much time to think, and lately that’s been a bad thing….seriously….left to my own devices for too long, and I start to crack up a bit and weird out people and myself (like moreso than usual)

Here’s hoping the phone will ring soon……

Well, here’s the new pad all laid out for you guys…..funny, Mindy and Vince just called to ask about the new place and say hi as I was writing this haha…well guys, once you get the ‘net hooked up, you’ll be seeing the pad….the rest of you, enjoy it now….

Here’s the living room from one angle…

And another angle…

The kitchen…

The kitchen/dining area…

Something to help with the layout…

The head…

And last…my room….with lights up of course, how you know I live there haha

So that’s the tour. I’m not sure if the pictures do the place justice, as we have a large amount of space here…like-a large amount…..nice fo’ sho’ haha. Also, the big window by the TV, perfect for viewing sunsets….if I can get a better camera, I’ll so be taking some sunset pics.

Later skaters.

Hmmm…not sure why I’m posting, but here I am. Just in one of those moods I imagine. I actually, I do know why, my morning was a little more stressful than they usually are. My fault entirely, got myself into something I should have known better about, but as they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Speaking of ventures and gains….back to the job search for me again today. Still waiting on the ACOA job. My file is still being “reviewed further” as of this morning, so I’m still holding out for that. Hoping something opens up here for me, or I can see my butt going back to NS…or Ottawa….but that won’t be until I’ve exhausted every avenue available….frig, I just moved here haha.

Speaking of the future, had some thoughts on that…lately I’ve been wondering how possible it could be to have a child without marriage being involved first. I know, really selfish sounding right? Well, I think I would like to have a child before I feel like I’ve gotten too old, but ata the same time, marriage just seems…..scary as hell. Yeah, it’s actually more scary to me than having a kid, go figure….I’m weird. I just don’t want to be in a poisonous situation with the hypothetical mother of my child….I guess, well, seeing this typed out now seems ridiculous haha…but I still think that’s what I want.

Keep in mind though, that even if I still think this is a good idea a week from now (which I might not), I still don’t see this being a reality until a few years from now at the earliest. Gives me time to meet someone who I guess could be down for this….I don’t know. I ran this idea past a friend of mine, didn’t get a thumbs up for awesomeness, so maybe it is as selfish as it seems to be sometimes haha. I’m just in a hurry to get life going sometimes I guess. The idea of settling down finally when I’m nearing my 40s, which I have considered doing before….seems….like a poor idea now. At the same time, there is no way it could happen now either….still not right.

Ahhh decisions decisions….be nice if for once life would just kinda go without me steering it…..not for a long time, just until some things fall into place. Sometimes I feel no different then I did 5 years ago….not a good thing. 5 years ago I was so detached from everyone (hell, 1 year ago I was) that nothing seemed good to me – it was all “ok”, but not great. Scared I missed some opportunities there, probably explains why I want life to take over for once and just happen – I don’t feel like I can trusted to steer it myself at some times, or it’ll end up in the ditch.

Hell, I can see the damn ditch right now….I’m turning the wheel….

Well, checked the web traffic and saw I got a good number of hits…so I’ll be nice and update. Still looking for work, applied to few jobs…saw today that the awesome job I applied for at ACOA last month? – I guess I made it to the second round. No interview, but apparently my application was being “looked at further” or something like that. Makes me happy of course….but in the meantime I am still applying to everything I see that’ll fit me…even if only temporarily.

Kinda comtemplating a run at NBCC for a year….it’s an option. It would be the Office Admin. course, and probably a french course to boot. I see it as maybe putting my plans off for a year to really cement my skill set. Who knows…it’s an option right now is all.

That’s all you guys are getting for now…haha…makes it seem like I got something else on my mind does it? Well, maybe I do….just had a lot of time to think as I walked around downtown today, so it’s still back there.

Oh yeah, walking around Moncton/Dieppe? – not exactly pedestrian friendly I have noticed….like Mel said to me the other day when we were going for a walk and the sidewalk just stopped, “this is Moncton, no one walks” haha…true true….must say though the streets are definitely easier to navigate then Halifax as far as driving goes. Traffic moves faster-like today, I got to Main St just as traffic began to back up into the intersections like it does in Halifax a lot….well, lets just say traffic still flowed faster. Craziness.

Back downtown tomorrow to get me a new license and health card…whoo hoo…and I think switch my bank account to here….hadf a check get held on me, annoying…..pretty sure it was below my usual limit as well (i.e. NS ATM deposit cash-back limit)…so I better switch it before everything gets held on me all the time haha.

And yes…I got a cell phone….blah….oh well, it’s good to have a link to the outside world I guess.

Check y’all lata.

P.S. – Mindy!!! Happy Bday!!! Not sure what the ‘net situation is at you’re new place…..so if anyone reading this will be talking to her…tell her I said Happy Birthday please haha.