Sometimes I think it would be nice to be on the receiving end of a good ass-kicking. You know the kind I mean, like in the movies where buddy’s life is spiralling away from him and he gets super drunk and picks a fight and gets knocked around and laughs it off because he knew he needed it? Yeah. That kind.

Don’t try it because I’ll probably fight back, but I can fantasize about it can’t I? I’m thinking about it because in the movies that is usually the catalyst that kick starts his “part two” as it were, when everything rebuilds and it all makes sense like it was supposed to happen that way to get to the end.

OK I’m full of shit and maybe wish I was on some kind of weird Truman Show-esque ride is all. I’m sure it’ll all be normal soon enough. It’s only some past events that may well have be written into the plot of a feature film any other time that have me thinking.

And as I type I’m being annoyed by the lag on the computer…I can type this, then sit back and sloooooowwwwwwly watch it type out in front of me ahhhh stop it. You guys can’t see it but trust me, very annoying.

Let’s just say I’m well loved at the moment by a number of very wonderful people, some as just a fad I’m sure, but others with such intensity,but yet I’m still one million miles away from it all and it’s beginning to take a toll. Not the love, my inability to synch anything up. Frustrating. But such is life.

So time and time again in my life, I’ve been struck by the line “if you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with”. Recently it’s popped back into my head for whatever reason, but the older I get, the less literally I take it. It’s not at all about compromise, it’s about expanding horizons and being open to other possibilities…sure, fate seems to take over at time and it makes you feel certain things are meant to be a certain way, but free will will always stir up the pot a little.

Not that I myself have a habit of falling in love with everyone, but I can definitely see how it could happen in a number of situations, and to varying degrees with those I meet in life it makes me happy that’s the case. It lets me know anything can happen.

*DISCLAIMER*
So as to make myself clear, this is not a reference to anyone or anything in particular, it’s just something that stuck in my mind for the 19th time so I felt like sharing. This is intended for musing purposes only.

So with that in mind, loosen up, and enjoy the ride.

Up and Down so much, I’ve become neutral. It’s a coping mechanism really. Things are still 50& fate and 50% free will as always, but lately it hasn’t felt as such. It’s only a feeling though, and it’ll pass as Harrison might say…if he weren’t dead and all that….he still says it on my itunes though, although I suspect maybe he has larger things in mind.

I will admit I’ve lost my touch, but I feel as if it’s coming back. I let it go a little over a year ago, because I felt I was comfortable enough to do so…..but now I’ve come to realize anything can still happen, and as much as you may hope your life will take a shape in the early years, not everyone is meant to be such a person. I know now I’m not, and it scares me to think things may always shift so dramatically for me for the next…well, I was going to put in some type of timeframe here, but that’s pointless. I will enjoy it however, that line about it being the journey and not the destination has always stuck with me ever since I first heard it as a kid, and now I think I know why.

So with that in mind, I’m going to take back everything I let go of, and learn to let myself get my ass kicked, and fall stupidly in love with people as I honestly like to do and it’ll all come out in the wash. And furthermore I know it’s what I’m fated to do, so for once fate and free will can work together.

See you in the 4th dimension whenever it’s meant to be.