Waiting For Something To Happen
Interesting if you enjoy seeing someone’s brains splattered across the screen-not literally you sicko…Basically this bad-boy has become a source of cheap therapy.Archive for January, 2009
Really.
I really, really, really need the weather to cooperate this weekend so I can go to Halifax.
Really.
‘Sup Y’all?
So I’ve fallen into the trap of posting less and less. This happens every time I have some type of life change that takes my time/energies. Right now, there are two.
I’ve been working in the day rather then the night. After a year or more of nights, switched to days, where I will be for the next couple weeks as well…..at least that means I will eventually get used to it.
Secondly, whenever I get involved involved with someone new, my attention span for this this wans, and I spend energy typing that would usually be spent here, typing on msn or what have you to a real live person. Bad for anything following this, but good for Carolyn I suppose.
I would like to note, this is being written in the morning hours after I have woken up, not before going to bed. I think that symbolizes a new phase in my life, don’t you.
Also typing this out, I just realized my birthday is in two weeks or so…..just sneaks up on you doesn’t it?
I like…
So lately it’s been a bitchfest here. Honestly I feel warranted in doing so though, as things have been somewhat shit on a few fronts.
But this post isn’t about that, this post is about things I like.
I like having two cats – it feels like I have a family to come home to, but one I can pee with the door open with and no one can yell me to stop.
Also I like the new girl in Halifax who has no problem talking ridiculous to me and casually swearing during conversation. She also makes really awesome cakes.
I like that at work even though I lost my great position, everyone there honestly feels like I should have been make permanent and is sad I’ll no longer be at the desk every night.
I like that the boys back home are interested in finally recording most of our old songs. Even if I don’t help, I just want those available for those times years from now when I can play them to my kids who I’m sure will love terrible music and say it’s ridiculous.
I like being ridiculous.
I like that I honestly have no issues anymore over that long lost girl from years ago – you know – the one who was going to marry me? I actually am fine with that now I realize…plus I may have done better for myself really as her future is written now, and mine is still wide open.
I lke that even though my money situation sucks lately, I’ll still have a decent enough tax return to pay for most of a new motorcycle.
I also like that said Halifax girl wants to get one too. We’ll do a tour.
I also like discovering random internet goodies, the latest can be found here.
I also really like eating doritos at night while stretched out on the bed, laptop off to the side, simpsons or something playing on the old mac, and two cats lying with me being lazy.
Did I mention using the bathroom with the door open? I did? OK well add to that being able to wander around the apartment naked….having roommates cramped my style.
So…..all I can think of for now, but I’m tired so maybe my brain isn’t processing as well as it could. I’ll be honest, even some of these awesome things are loose ends….too loose for my liking right now, but maybe in time I can make it all a little more concrete. Really right now despite work sucking, it gives me a better push to find something better, and maybe better is here, or it’s back home, or it’s even in another place altogether, and maybe I find happiness in Halifax, or maybe I don’t, but even the chase and the back-and-forth is fun and it’s something I never liked as a young ‘un but as I get older I like that too more and more.
Bedtime begins……..now.
The point is,…
A little known fact about myself;
When I’m driving, I drive defensively – not as it’s taught in Driver’s Ed I’m sure – but my own brand of self-taught defensive driving.
The result of this? I constantly tell other drivers how much they suck, and my inner sarcastic critic comes out and I really get colourful.
OK, so this isn’t a little known fact to some who read this.
I would like to point out though, that I don’t act on it. No middle fingers, no horn honks (I’ve only ever done that twice to date – once to some kid who jumped the beginning of a left turn lane and blasted past me dangerously before I went into the start of the lane, and recently on the highway coming home from Nova Scotia last month as this guy constantly passed me, just to slow down dangerously on the highway. I honked the second time I had to pass him after giving him the benefit of the doubt and hanging back for many kilometres – that guy (or woman, it was dark) was a twit and needed to be told speeding to pass only to slow down below the limit when in front was going to cause trouble for someone down the road)
What a witty last line.
Also, I really want to start making music again. My only trouble is I don’t do lyrics – at all. Yes I write in here all the time but I don’t do lyrics, figure it out. My only problem is I really love using voices as instruments (how I’ve always seen music, so sometimes I couldn’t care less what the lyrical content of a song is, sure it infuriates some).
I’ll figure it out somehow.
The bonus is over Christmas when talking to Dan (singer KNA) about his new projects, he mentioned how he wanted to finally record the songs we never recorded. I’m not sure if I’m invited as I’m all the way here in Moncton, but if I can do a few I will totally. (Luckily for them the other bass player from the band is still in town so it’ll be done regardless)
I’ve also archived some older stuff, and created labels so I can release the songs on LastFM. Honestly I couldn’t care less if that stuff gets noticed and played, but it was good to finally do it. It was such a large part of my life for so many years that even in my “retirement” it would be silly to simply ignore it and let it go – even if some of it was honestly crap. OK, not crap, but it’s apparent it was done by 17 and 18 year old kids just starting out. Simply knowing how to play doesn’t mean you’re good. It takes years to pull that off.
Shattered Screen Records will be distributing the juvenile stuff….still tweaking it, and for some reason the tracks offered aren’t playing or showing up on the band’s page, but the one song I put as a free download is there….incidentally it’s the best song we ever had.
I have a few more releases to put on there though. One is a three song EP Dan and myself did in the studio with the help of the studio tech Steve Outhit (played drums – very good job too), and some nice solos by Nick. (Some of you readers know him, others don’t, but that doesn’t matter as he’s on there anyway)
Luckily the Kansas Nebraska Act page has always worked. The full 4 song EP is there. Gets a few plays now and then. Nice to see. Hopefully I’ll be able to add more before the year is out.
Finally I gave myself my own page. Mostly though to really properly scrobble on LastFM the tracks under my name i occasionally listen to. It’s all distrubuted under Shattered Screen though. Bureaucracy right?
Lastly, I’m going to leave with my Rob Brezsny horoscope from January 1st of this year. For those who don’t know, he does week long horoscopes. As you may have guessed by now, I have a fleeting relationship with these things and the horoscope phenomena….to be honest he writes good ones, and I got into them from years and years of reading them in The Coast. It’s a Halifax thing.
“Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
I’ve got three quotes for you. I hope you’ll write them out and keep them in a prominent place for the duration of 2009. They’ll set the right tone for everything you do. The first is from psychologist Abraham Maslow: “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What one can be, one must be.” The second quote comes from choreographer Agnes DeMille: “Dance in the body you have.” The third is from historian Gerald Sorin: “When Reb Zusye went to heaven, God didn’t ask him why, in his life on earth, Zusye wasn’t Moses, but why he wasn’t even Zusye.”"
It’s that last line that gets me. Believe what you want to believe in, I don’t care, not the point. The point is, why haven’t you lived to your full potential? I’m asking myself that right now a lot for sure.
Another little known fact about myself? I can start out on one topic and end up in another flawlessly.
Back to laundry.
So it’s happened. While talking to my mom today, she mentioned a son of a friend of hers – a year younger than myself – who just had a baby.
I knew this was coming, there were hints, plus I am almost 30 and she is over 50….someone wants to be a grandmother.
Dammit.
Cats can count as children right? They better.
Also, I begin tomorrow three weeks of boredom as they begin to retrain me to take inbound calls. Hoping this is a method to buy time as they find a better fit for me. They must know I’ll quit, fuck, I can take calls at any of the 15 000 call centres in this city really.
Back to laundry.
Nothing is easy.
So I’ve gotten a little distracted from this blog. My time has pretty much been spent looking for new jobs, wondering what will happen with my current job, and talking online to someone who may or may not become more important as time goes by – but who lives in Halifax so of course nothing is easy.
It does however look as if I’ll be in my current city for a while longer, well not unless one of the few jobs I applied for hire me. The Fredericton transfer is dead in the water that’s for sure.
Nothing is easy.
At this point I would accept something here if work would recognize (with my newest kick-ass test results) my genius and give me a better, permanent, job. It would be nice to have some job security at least for the next year or so while I build up my savings again.
Pitiful Update Time
OK, so I’ve been a bit busy lately, but there are updates. Like how I aced the latest supervisor test – I mean aced, they admitted it even. Hoping that means I’ll have some leverage and be able to get into a good gig once this week is over.
Gotta run, time to go to work, first I need to call the bank and yell at them.
Also PS Sally is in heat apparently, she’s driving me slightly nuts.
2008 We Hardly Knew You
So I suppose I should do some variety of year in review, what with 2008 left behind us now.
Well, I can sum it up somewhat decently by stating “it was great, then turned to crap, glad it’s over”.
I mean, at the beginning of the year, I had just started what was an awesome job at work, had a lot of money saved up, and I basically lucked into a relationship without even trying – I kicked serious ass at first.
Then, things got worse.
The money dried up, my plans to ensure another awesome job at work were all met with rejection by the higher ups, and then the relationship basically fell apart.
Now here we are, I know nothing will be offered to me at work, as I have already shown I’ll be gone the first chance I’ll get – why bother offer anything right? The relationship is very much dead and buried, and I have no prospects of a new one so far, and my the bank account which once had enough cash to keep me afloat for 2 months if I lost my job, is now in danger of being overdrafted at the end of every month.
Now, I know ending one year does not end all the issues that need to be cleared up, when I go back to work tomorrow in 2009 for the first time, all the problems will still be there.
I will however, be quite willing to let all the bad stuff in 2008 be chalked up to “character building”, and nothing else. No baggage will be allowed to be carried on from this point onward. The good stuff from the early half of ‘08? Good lesson in knowing it can be done.
So that’s my year. Oh yeah, I got to see one show at least (Queens Of The Stone Age), got to travel to another province for the first time and see a friend get married (Dove-Young NFLD wedding), and I got the hairy children of Team Chat.
2009 will see me moving myself out of Moncton (unless I can find another, better, more awesomer job here). I will get a better job – this company or another. And finally I’m sure the relationship front will be better – my 2009 horsoscope seemed convinced of it anyway. If not, confirmed bachelor and cat hotel worker it is I suppose.
Oh, and if I can, I’d still like a house…but….economic climate, shit job, blah blah blah….it may have to wait.
*EDIT* I would like to point out that the relationship wasn’t bad or anything (seems like I was a bit angry over it, reading that back now), I just happen to suck at them I’m starting to suspect. One big bonus to it was the first hairy child (PS I’ll be needing child support for him, he still destroys things and costs a small fortune in band-aids for myself).
