I’m a 29 year old university grad working below his abilities to pay the bills and become just another middle management asshole. I live alone with my 2 cats, the incredible (sometimes incredibly annoying) Mr. Pot Roast, AKA Mutant at Law, AKA Dr. Mark H. Catley, and Miss Thang also known as Scrappy Doo, Ethan Hawkman……but we’ve settled on Sally it seems.

Yes, a single guy with two cats, how did it come it this?

Here’s is my “extended info” page from Facebook….

Addictions: Ice cream, internet television, cooking/buying food, cryptograms, music as always, back pain, teeth brushing, sunglasses, black coffee, Guinness, flossing, Vanilla Frost Dentyne Ice, hawaiian pizza, Wes Anderson movies

Lifetime Goals: Happily married, working as a secret agent, and living in a floating seaworld that can submerge when needed

If Lee Dies?: It means I’ve faked my death and left the country….enjoy the life insurance payout

Past times: Harbouring a not-so-secret love of being a rockstar, drunk song downloading, walking everywhere, scanning facebook 12,000 times a day, reading books/magazines about science, politics, and economics, being delicious, singing along to whatever is cranking in the stereo

Things To Do Before I Die: Write a novel…or two or three, get to drive an F-1 car upside because I once heard they could do that, be a net gain on society on the whole, travel and get to step on each continent, own a boat and a house by the sea

Things That Make Me Happy: Driving down the highway at sunset in the summer, the ocean, hearing that song/seeing that piece of art/reading that book that seems like it was done with myself in mind, feeling wanted, cats that absolutely adore me, seeing art through someone else’s eye for the first time, eating great food with great company, being alone with people who adore me.

What Qualifies Me As Weird?: My obsession with brushing my teeth, how I always have gum, how I’ll never, ever come clean with what I’m really thinking/feeling unless you beat it out of me, how I have no problem being alone, how certain words will cause hysterical fits of laughter in me for no reason just because they sound funny, how Grimace is such a funny concept I could laugh until I piss myself thinking about it, and why do I keep putting pillows on my face?

Are Songs Always In My Head As A Soundtrack?: Yes. My life is a movie. I am insane.

Best Songs At The Moment?: Since I Left You -The Avalanches; The Heinrich Maneuver – Interpol; Little Sister – Queens Of The Stone Age; Shadowplay – The Killers (Mosly because of the closing credits after seeing Control); Nixon – Tiger Lou; Sexx Laws – Beck

What I Need To Survive: Some air, some water, some food. Lots of freedom. Tell me you love me. Show me neat things from another perspective I may have missed. Let me come across as a distant, uncaring dick, because it’s not true. Sarcastic humour, absurd comedies, funny little tragedies, ironic jokes played by the universe to tie up the loose ends and make it make sense to me. A sense of what death might be, so I know I want it to happen someday. Great ideas, music, art, literature. Hard work, good luck, and a friendly smile through it all.

Believe It Or Not!: I once worked as a gravedigger, I’ve broken my left wrist twice doing the exact same activity more or less exactly one year apart, I’m actually a great shot with a gun but never shoot them, I taught myself how to play bass over a many year span, I’m also a great “in the car” singer, and my memory is sometimes scarily accurate even when I don’t intend it to be. (I’ll miss that the most come senility time)

What Makes Me Take It Off?: Taking a shower…..and….umm……you?

…and this is the result of some silly facebook interview app I did a year or so back.

Shower everyday?
Totally

How would you spend the last five minutes with the one person of the opposite sex that you loved the most?
Gee…I wonder, oh sex that’s right.

What would you do if you are going to die in the next minute?
Whip it out?

If you met an omniscient being who could answer any question, what would be your question?
“Can you microwave a burrito so hot that even you cannot eat it?”

if you fell off a cliff what would be you last thought?
Fuck.

Describe your evil twin.
What if I’m the evil one?

Are you happy to have single-handedly destroyed the earth?
If it means you’re dead, then yes

Would you rather be an elf, dwarf, or hobbit
Dead instead of in a nerd hell

Do you like to go on msn?
Would you like to eat me?

Mc Donalds or Burger King??
BK

If you could make any junk food super-nutritious, which one would you pick?
Ice cream

Last film seen
The Life Aquatic for the 10th time.

Look to your left: What do you see?
Everything currently to the left of me.

What are you wearing right now?
A smile

My place or yours?
Mine

Apple juice or orange juice?
OJ

Have you ever popped, locked, and dropped it?
You’re dumb…next

Where in the world do you feel the safest?
IN my home surrounded by my various firearms

Relationships or hook ups?
Relationships….but the occasional hookup is fantastic, I’ll take one of those.

What countries have you been to other than you home country?
US so far.

Ice Cream or Sherbet?
Ice cream? Mmm gimmie it fucker.

Sex before marriage or after marriage??
Uh….yes please.

Biggest regret?
None.

Two sports I played in middle school?
Basketball….and….basketball

Do you have a college degree? If so what?
A waste of time apparently. OK, poli sci, international development, and economics.

What musical instrument do you play?
Bass.

Looks or Personality?
Both.

East Coast or West Coast?
Oh, East baby.

What is your biggest turn on?
Being smart and sexy.

What motivates you?
Myself.

When will you be in Chicago next?
Whenever you give me tickets to the Blackhawks and fly me there.

what is love?
I know but I’m not telling.

Jeans or shorts?
Jeans.

Are you a good friend or not ?
I’m a great friend.

Biggest turnoff in the opposite sex?
Being a super-bitch and not having a sense of humour.

Do you have to go to the bathroom?
Not right now.

do you currently like anyone?
Always.

If you look at the color blue, what does it make you think of?
Half of the things I own.

What is the meaning of life?
Figure it out on your own….no cheating.

Do you like thunderstorms?
OH YEAH BABY.

What would you do if this interview is never ending?
It would feel like this.

Orlando bloom or Johnny depp?
Lee Prall.

what do you think they eat in heaven?
Don’t need to. Remember I don’t believe in Heaven?

Do you drink coffee?
Hell yes.

Do you like to bake/cook?
Sure.

Do you believe in ghosts?
Not sure.

Winter or summer?
Spring.

If you could pick anyone dead or alive to have lunch with, who would it be?
Oscar Wilde.

Do you have any piercings/tattoos?
Yes.

What kind of car do you drive?
Chev Cobalt.

What are your “comfy clothes”?
PJs.

if you were one of the seven dwarfs, who would you be?
Was there one who was really cool?

Do you believe in heaven and hell?
Not really. It’s a concept more than anything to me.

Is this boring?
No, bring on the questions.

Rolling Stones or Beatles?
Beatles. But I love both.

What colour are your eyes?
Hazel.

What sort of character would you play in a comic book (hero, humorous sidekick, villian, that abrasive newspaper guy, etc.)
the loner hero who plays by his own rules.

Coke or Pepsi?
Water?

If you were on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition; what kind of room would you ask for?
I’d want some type of kick ass rec room based off of the seedy bar feel

If you were one word, what word would you be?
Grimace.

If you could time travel, what would be your first stop?
To see myself when I was a baby and watch all the stuff I can’t remember.

What is your natural hair color?
Blond.

How many people are in your family?
Define please. Immediate? Extended?

What’s the First Thing You Notice In A Boy/Girl?
Appearance, then I move on to personality.

What language would you like to speak fluently?
French….be nice to finally get that learned.

Desktop or Laptop?
I think I want both.

Are you in love?
I fooled around and fell in love.

How many kids (or any at all) would you want to have?
As many as I end up with.

Chocolate or other candy?
CHOCOLATE!!

Sour or sweet candy?
Sweet.

Favorite hot drink?
Black coffee.

City or the suburbs?
City.

What is your dream job?
How about doing whatever I feel like when I wake up. One day rockstar, the next Secretary-General of the UN.

What religion did you choose to follow?
My own.

Performing Arts, Fine Arts, or Sports?
Fine Arts….says the guy who spent the past 10 years performing.

Riding horses or riding dolphins?
Dolphins would be awesome.

Are you fed up of all these questions?
Are you fed up with asking them?

What is your favorite color?
Blue

beach or mountain?
Beach

left handed or right handed?
Lefty

Why are you taking this interview?
The man with the gun to my head made me

who do you count on when feeling down?
Myself

do you plan in advance?
Not really. I cannot plan more than 24 hours in advance in 99.9% of situations.

What attracts you most?
How they think

Do you feel comfortable showing PDA in pubic?
I have…even last year come to think of it…so I guess I do

How many hobbies do you have
Not many at the moment

Do you say “I love you” in the relationship?
Yes…if I am

Aliens have landed and selected you to visit their home planet. Do you go with them?
Hell yes

Describe your perfect Sunday morning?
Sleeping

If you could be successful at any job in the world, what would that job be?
Rockstar Playboy Millionaire

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
South of France

If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?
Pasta.

What is your favourite word?
Goatmeal

What makes you cry?
Onions

What makes you laugh?
Funny things

If you won the lottery, how would you spend your millions?
Doing stuff

If you could travel back in time, what mistake(s) would you want to correct?
No regrets

Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?
It’s full what are you talking about?

What do you do for fun?
Answer questions

Are you an outdoor or an indoor person?
Indoor

If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?
plan my death

What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
smart funny niceass

Where do you see yourself in five years?
A rich genius with a sexy wife

Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
We have a kitty

Who do you admire most?
Lots of people

Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?
4. Scorpion on the upper left arm, Chinese dragon on the lower right leg, and a small dragon and an Om on the inner left forearm.

Get the number or give the number?
Get

Romance or Kinky Sex?
I start with one, then go on to the other

How do you feel?
Like myself

What size shoes do you wear?
11 or 12

Water or 100% Juice?
Water

T-Mobile, U.S. Cellular, Cingular/AT&T, or Sprint/Nextel
Tin can and string

Would you rather be hot or cold?
Cold, I can fix that, being too hot is so uncomfortable

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
Leg, I don’t run and would like to still be able to play guitar

Favorite Place to Eat?
Off a plate

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
Concert

Most Memorable Past?
Being a “rockstar” and drinking and partying and having fun and I hope future children of mine don’t see this….oh hell why not let them know

Most embarrassing moment?
Like I’m telling you

If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
Mine

Your favorite Disney Films?
Next

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Headed to the hotdog stand

Do you support Paris?
I think her legs and entourage do that for her

Where is Waldo?
In the trunk of my car

What was your last thought?
Family Guy is funny (it’s on right now in the background)

Firefox, Internet Explorer, Netscape, or other?
Camino

Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
Depends, I enjoy both

Favorite fruit?
Strawberries

Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?
Bad coughs are sick

Are you a cat or a dog person?
Catsssssssssss

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Would you rather eat me or get kicked in the junk?

Define yourself in 3 words…
sarcastic sneaky smartass

Do you eat cold cereal at night?
Oh yes baby

What is your favorite TV show?
Next question please…that response will change in the next week I’m sure

Kill the spider or let it out?
I used to kill…now I let it out

Do you shower every single day?
Yes

Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?
I’ve done both

Boat or bus?
Boats rule

What is your favorate Pj Fabric
cotton

Where do you want to travel next?
I want to go crazy

What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out
Laugh and assume I was asleep and having a nightmare.

What is your favorite food?
I love oatmeal raisin cookies

Do you read harry potter books?
No

What is your favorite place?
The shower. I do my best thinking there.

If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
The ability to transport through time and space and be infinite.

Have you had a beer in the last week?
No sir.

Vitamin Water or Gatorade?
Regular water

Favorite body part?
Brain, and other parts are neat too

Flip flops or sandles?
Bare feet….but I guess sandles

What do you do on fridays?
I come home from work, sometimes after midnight, and enjoy that I am at the longest moment between work ending for the weekend, and work beginning on Monday.

What is your favorite song of all time?
I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that the answer will change at any moment after I hit “submit”

Do you like bananas?
Slightly

How tall are you?

Tall enough